Emptiness

Last monday, I did the second part of my German exams. I haven’t got the results yet…. A familiar feeling of emptiness came over me as I walked out of the exam centre. That is what normally happens when I conclude a stressful phase of my life. The past few weeks had been hell: I had been stressed about the exam, and because of that I had not been sleeping more than 4 hours a night. As I finished the exam it felt like a big weight was lifted off me. No, not off my shoulder, but dug out of my belly. It was like something that was there was gone. That something, normally, should be the stress that didn’t allow me sleep, but in this case it wasn’t. I don’t know what name to put to it. I always thought that to have stillness I need to have some noise; this is a confirmation. The stress, the pressure, keep me alert. And once the pressure was not as it was I felt simple emptiness.

The remaining part of last week was spent trying to start to write my research plan. I have written the first four pages. Pretty disjointed, those pages. I am currently reviewing one of the most murky of analytical concepts in the social sciences – Network Analysis. I didn’t know where to start so I have decided to use as a guide, through the whole maze, articles or books that have reviewed the concept. I have found a few of them and I have started doing that. I have the first four pages, and a page and a half of references, to show for it.

I hope to finish a major part of the review this week, so that I can move on to other things next week. French classes start by next month. Time is flying, and I don’t know if I can keep up with it.