How to Behave When You Don’t Get a Job You Thought You Were Going To Get

By the heading of this post I am sure you would have got the message that I didn’t get the job. Oh yea, I didn’t. Yesterday morning, I sent an SMS to Iye, the lady I met at the interview, and
She replied that she got her letter of offer by email and that I should check my mailbox. I did and I found that I got a mail from Wole Odewusi, the HR officer of ActionAid Nigeria. Well, the first thing I noticed was that there was a mistake. I was sent a mail that was supposed to be sent to people who failed in another interview, for the post of State Evaluation and Monitoring Adviser. I immediately did a mail to Wole to tell him that I was not interviewed for that position and that I would like to know how I did in the interview I attended. I got a reply there and then, the same mail format, in fact, the same content, only a change of heading. I was told that the final stage of the interview had five people, and that they needed only two people, and that I wasn’t one of the two who were finally selected. That was still for the State Evaluation and Monitoring Officer; we were told at the interview, that they were going to pick five people out of those who were interviewed. I was surprised by the mix up. Ever felt angry at little things? Well, one thing that got me particularly angry was a line in the mail ‘…I am sure you will appreciate that in these circumstances decisions are taken in view of what is in the best interests of both the organisation and the interviewee.’ Who told them to worry about what is good for me? They should tell me that I am not good enough for their organisation, or perhaps even too good, or that I wasn’t right for the position (although I wonder what it would take to be right for an internship position); I would find some consolation in that. Who gave them the right give me that kind of crappy consolation? Well, I guess that is just the kind of crappy thing Human Relations teaches you: find a way to disengage without leaving the other person feeling bad. But I felt bad, and considered it almost an insult even.

Another thing. I sent an SMS to Iye to tell her that I wasn’t appointed and she sent a reply that read ‘Nt 2 wory, urs wil cme’. Some more crappy way of consoling a person. How did she know mine would come? What am I supposed to do with that? Feel good knowing that mine will come? Is that what I am supposed to feel good about? That mine will come? What is mine? Nigerian Christian lingo….

I think the way I am reacting to these feelings is just normal. I am really upset and I am taking it out on anybody who says the wrong thing, without actually hurting their feelings (except they get to read this). I really feel bad, I thought I would get one out of the five positions but I somehow managed not to get it. And then I am also feeling bad that I am still living on my parents and friends, six months after studying. I guess you would understand how I am feeling, if you have ever gone through this kind of thing before. I had good education, I am smart but I somehow have managed to remain unemployed. The other painful thing is that I told my parents and friends that I thought I did well at the interview and hoped to get a place. They said they hoped along with me. Now they are as equally embarrassed as I am.

So how does one behave if one doesn’t get a job one thought one would get? I still don’t know. I am still digesting the information myself. I am not just looking at the picture now; I am looking at the larger picture, the implications for my mind. I am scared of applying for positions and finding that I am not found suitable for the job because I am not experienced enough. I am asking myself if it is not a mistake for me to insist that I want to work only in development. Is there something inherently wrong in choosing a particular field of work? In knowing what one wants (or hoping so at least) and pursuing it? Now I am wondering if it wouldn’t have been wiser if I had stayed over in Europe and did odd jobs; at least I would be able to take care of myself and not live on anybody. But I think that if I was given the same opportunity again I would have returned to Nigeria. Or so I still feel.